BEWARE.

I know, that’s not how the saying usually goes. But in this instance, I believe it applies. Beware of the Wolf in Wolf’s clothing.

You know those expressions: “If it seems too good to be true…It probably is.” -or- “Learn to trust your gut.” -or- “Listen to that inner voice.” -or- “Seeing is believing.” -or- “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck…chances are: It’s a duck!” -or- “Hindsight is 20/20….” I think you “get” where I am coming from here.

Well, apparently I should have paid a little more attention to my own inner voice and gut feelings. I have been so preoccupied with trying to be more open-minded and focused on refining my dating mindset, that I forgot to listen. Don’t forget.

There’s a fine balancing act that we maintain…in so many aspects of our lives, that it’s easy to forget, something hanging in the balance. I suppose one day, (it is my hope) we will excel at the whole balancing and identifying thing.

SO HERE GOES…

Remember I was telling you about the funny guy I had connected with on BUMBLE recently? We had been messaging and calling and video “dating” and, I believe the last time I mentioned him, we were planning our first “in person” meet. Well, we did in fact have it. And by all counts, it was fabulous! Of course, let’s remember it was ME counting…and adding in the fact, that the guy could “really kiss”…I would say, I was doing so with my vision blurred by the blinders I was wearing.

Let’s Start at the Beginning.

WHAT I SAW:

When I spotted his profile on BUMBLE, I found it to be : Clever and thought out. Charming and enticing. He sounded fun, energetic, spontaneous and definitely appeared to be put together and attractive. There were several well considered pictures. They consisted of headshots and body shots, that all looked fun and had pleasant and inviting captions tagged along with them.

Yes, the Blinders were on evidently from the very start.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SEEN:

His profile pictures were more than just his “best” pics. They were more than posed. One might even say…contrived. I should have seen that you need to be more than merely “confident” to set up an indoor table and chairs, outside on a beach, and “dress it” for two, with you poised for a picture alone at this table sipping your glass of wine...awaiting the arrival of your next date. The 20/20 hindsight would have played in quite nicely here for me. The other pictures were less self-indulgent, but would normally still have been over the top for me. I usually swipe left on shirts off pics. Maybe it was the “bad-boy” smile that got me, that I didn’t recognize soon enough. It’s gotten me before, as I have shared in earlier posts with you. Darn that smile!

OUR COMMUNICATIONS.

Even phone calls and text messages that danced the “is this being funny?” or “almost inappropriate” line, I dismissed as “funny”. They weren’t. They were foreshadowing, that I refused to witness. As I write this, to share with you, I revisit how upset I am with myself for letting this one slip by…and “get” me. I let him bite me right in the ass!

When he nearly immediately wanted to video chat, I was very pleased and excited that he was anxious to do so. The thought that my profile and our limited message exchanges intrigued him enough to move more swiftly to the next step…I felt, a mutual positive sign.

What I should have allowed myself to entertain, was, that it could be, he did not want to waste any of his time, if I was not the woman in the pictures. He was most likely verifying. I understand that, and really have no objection to it. I’m just saying here, that I should have been more on my toes. He moved quickly with the sight of me to almost “too comfortable”, that I unfortunately did not read enough into…or at least not soon enough.

THE FIRST “IN PERSON” DATE.

Ahhh, the first “in person” date. It was a Wow! He greeted me with a kiss that was perfect for the moment. We had spent so much time communicating in so many fashions, that during one of our conversations, I mentioned that’s how we should open our first date…directly to the kiss. He remembered, and we did. If you make it to the kiss, I always feel it speaks volumes. (I don’t make it there often.) But this time, it must have spoken to me in a foreign tongue, as this girl was not hearing what was being spoken, only what was being desired.

It was really a fun date from start to finish. A breakfast date actually. Within it, I managed to overlook suggestive conversation and clear and clever advances, without question. And ended the date anxious to see him again.

We had a wonderful video chat after the date and he sent me two additional messages. The first was charming and exactly what a gal wants hear, and the second I remember reading and questioning his intent. It referenced something about feeling there was a “missed opportunity”. Hmmm? I remember thinking about it, not having a good feeling about it, and then sending some inquisitive comment back. He then of course, managed to whisk me away back into Blur-ville.

His attentiveness level diminished between the first and second date. I actually took some blame and said something like…“It seems we are both being a bit less attentive, after, our first wonderful date, than we were prior to it.” He told me he was trying to give me some space, as a female friend of his suggested he didn’t “smother me”. This, I now believe, was FULLY a line of BULL. And now as I write this, I am aggravated that I am allowing him to stir emotions such as these within me…again!! Ugghhh!!!

BIT OF A DISCLAIMER.

I should probably make myself clear here, that if this is something that you desire…absolutely go for it! Enjoy every minute! We all have different paths that lay before us. Our wants and desires vary with the widest of ranges. I am not judging anyone here…sharing a personal review, of my own behavior. I am truly looking for that “someone special”, that sets me on fire: mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually…ya, ya, ya…I AM looking for it all. But even just a handful of it, would be nice.

BACK TO BUSINESS…

Anyway, after the “smother” conversation, he returned to his previous behavior. Which of course was attentive and I obviously continued to totally overlook anything inappropriate. (Side Note: I suppose I should have caught on when his BUMBLE profile pic changed while we were in the midst of connecting and even had our first date. I expected that he would continue of course on the site, but picture changing implies something.) Time flew and the next thing you know, we were planning our second “in person” date.

NOTE: I need to share here, that I find those video dates really create the illusion of having experienced an in person sense of communication. It distorts reality a bit, I think. Though it does provide a manner of communication that propels a relationship further than the written word or even the spoken word, lacking the visual.

The spontaneity advertised on his profile…that was so desirable…turns out, was at “his” convenience, and that “you” had to be spontaneous enough to accommodate his schedule. Ahhhhh!!! I did not pick up on that right away. It took a few conversations and some rescheduling on his part, for me to figure it out. Light dawn’s on Marblehead. Really, calendar dates to meet, were flying around and changing and rearranging and well, it was anything but spontaneous on trying to plan our next date.

It was more like an act of congress was needed to solidify our meet up. But I was game and anxious and soon scheduled for a “sleepover” at his home, where he was to cook me dinner. Wow. Romantic I thought.

I was recalling conversations we had about his previously being a partner in a successful restaurant. He had told me how he regretted getting out of the business. The way he spoke of it and food, his knowledge and love of it…well, let’s just say that my mouth was watering as much for the meal he was to cook for me, as it was for our next kiss.

Reality?: He prepared me a “Hello Fresh” meal! (Those prepackaged kits with cooking instructions) Now, there is nothing wrong with that. They really do put out a fine product. But that wasn’t what I expected! That was not the image he’d been painting in my head. Not from our conversations! And still, I dined in Blur-ville. WTH was wrong with me? Without skipping a beat, I went on to serve a delicious dessert that I had made and brought packed on ice with me.

We advanced from dinner to dessert to hot tub to “moves” to movies to sleep to wake to “morning moves” to my motoring home, to no call…for days. Again, now with the 20/20 hindsight fully functioning, what a well choreographed date that was. And I was totally oblivious, and participating in and viewing it all in Blur-ville vision.

I did finally send a text, which was greeted by a casual, “How was your day?” type lingo. “Good. Yours? ” “Yadayadayda, watching yadayadaya and calling it a night.” I told him: “I was a bit surprised to not hear from you.” Readying myself for his response…though his dismissiveness, had already dismissed me. But I needed closure. He responded with things such as: you know I was busy with my daughter and that lead into his other responsibilities which consequently puts dating in a secondary position and then basically how he always tells people this (always “tells people” this. WTH??)

I reminded him of our conversations that included how we were both looking for that LTR (Long Term Relationship), and how he said: “Isn’t that ultimately what everyone is looking for?” We had also discussed our busy schedules and how we would probably only be able to see each once a week or so. I was good with that. But had he told me, relationships take a back burner…like he said he always “tells people”…and had he basically made me aware that LTR’s were not in the cards for him…I NEVER would have EVEN DATED HIM!!!

He went on to say how relationships should be effortless. EFFORTLESS??? What world does he live in?…that a relationship does not require honest and open communication and yes, effort, and maybe even a little hard work. I do believe he means a relationship should effortless on his part!!! Ahhhh…yes!!!

Then it really sunk in, when my Facebook feed displayed a post he put up two days after our last conversation. It read like this:

“So I’ve been reading this book so I can find myself a good woman…”:

LEARN TO TRAIN YOUR WIFE, In 5 Easy Lessons

• Teach her to:
• Fetch Your Slippers and Pipe
• Massage Your Feet
• Serve you ice cold beer and snacks
• Sit quietly while you browse your favorite television stations
• Respond to non-verbal cues such as finger snapping
• Answer “Yes Dear” to any and all requests
• Greet you at the door wearing nothing but cellophane wrap.

I Close With: I will take some of the responsibility here, as, well, let’s face, I kept trying to drape him in “Sheep’s Clothing”. But a wolf, is a wolf, is a WOLF. Mic Drop.