I guess it is like anything else during this unprecedented pandemic time of ours, some things are slowed and others non-existent. Dating feels a bit that way to me right now. A little quiet on that Dating Front.

There is this one very funny fellow I have been chatting with. First by written messages on the site and then by “video chat” date through the site and now we have exchanged telephone numbers and are in touch that way.

We are planning our “first meet” in a week or so. I am looking forward to it. Playing it safe still. He is about to receive his second dose of the vaccine and I am still in the immunity stage from having had COVID, so we figure this may be the “perfect” time.

This guy is not shy at all. I’m am finding that attractive. He had an endless supply of questions for me. I have actually had fun answering them. He is so open and “out there” that I find them amusing. Like being interrogated. lol!

His line of questioning, really got me thinking about how we…men and women…address each other. He was walking a bit of a tightrope at times, in the way he was presenting his questions, but I was in this lightheartedly, so I did not (most of the time) give him a hard time about it.

However, I do think we are all familiar with some of the standards. Right??!!

Let’s Stay Away From…

“Honey, does this dress make me look fat?” NO. The answer is always NO. There is never an item that she is going to put on and then ask you that question, that you will ever answer anything but NO to.

“Are you in a bad mood?” Don’t ask her that. If she is, she is NOT going to appreciate you even noticing, or bringing it to her attention, because apparently, you BOTH KNOW already. And, if she wasn’t in a bad mood…that question may very well put her in one. Don’t ask her that. If you are uncertain, figure it out for yourself and respond accordingly. Perhaps, without mentioning it, you could help her to feel better.

A relative to the above question might be: “Is it that time of the month?” OMG, DON’T ask that question. It implies only negatives. Not applicable to myself these days, or many I suppose, dating over 50, but to those where this may be applicable…DON’T do it.

“You look tired.” If you tell her she looks tired, you are telling her she doesn’t look like her beautiful, bubbly, usual self. Tired is going to solicit a negative connotation. Rather, if you think she looks like she might be tired, without letting her know, maybe try to do something to ease her load and help her to relax.

Of Course, Then There Are The “Watch Out” Words…

You know them. The words or responses that signal…trouble ahead. Like when your conversation leads to her replying with the, you never want to hear…“Whatever.” This does of course mean that she was not in agreement or pleased with the outcome of the conversation. Turn that around.

Or…“Fine.” To me, that is one step beyond the “whatever”. If I “Fine” you, it’s not good. I’m not happy. And I feel as though you should know that. I’m sure I would not even say it, if we weren’t close enough for you to know what my use of it is telling you.

Another in that same category is often…“Sure.” Sure, if that’s what you want. Sure, if that makes you happy. Sure, why not. The missing words here are: Sure, but it’s not what I want. Sure, but it won’t make me happy. Sure, but I’d rather not.

“Is that what you are going to wear?” NO. NO. NO. She has it on, doesn’t she? She must be intending to…what are you thinking??? Unless she comes out in a costume and it is not a costume party, or it’s a formal work event or such, and she comes out in jeans (and even then, be gentle addressing this, as she may get embarrassed), do not say anything.

Might Like…

…I think we all might like these, and there are so many more…

Greetings like you are still flirting. We all love those days. With the kisses that linger longer than a peck.

Looking into her eyes while she is speaking to you, like you are really listening.

Making her feel like she is the only woman in the room. Because she IS, the only one that you are interested in.

A little touch when you pass by each other…just to “acknowledge”.

Different Creatures.

As much as we are similar, we are indeed still different creatures, men and women. In reviewing the above, it may be worth, for a moment putting yourself (hypothetically) in the other’s shoes to get “the feel”.

Gals, let’s not criticize our guys. If we need something addressed, let’s find a kinder, gentler way to reach our desired goal. They are more sensitive than we may think. They can react anywhere from being angered by your criticism, to embarrassed, to hurt, to I think one of the worst: basically horrified that they have disappointed you. Egos and self-esteem in play here.

Reactions to my honest comments (and I even thought about them first, but still…) through the years, have been an education for me. An education that continues to this day. If I had known then, what I know now…well, you know.

And yes, I believe it is true…If we are upset, generally, we need to address the issue and then “make up”. Where on the “flip side”, men can generally, do the whole “make up” thing and the issue “goes away”. Yup, sex can be the “insta-cure”.

Have a great week. Adrienne