21. ONLINE DATING MANNERS.

Online Sites Should Display: MANNER BANNERS.

Manners. I LIKE manners. Staying pleasant, being nice and remaining positive. Right? I think it is only polite to use our manners in any situation. Use of them, should be our “go-to”. But what’s “go”-ing on out there? Someone needs some guidance!

Here, I am, tossing out for discussion, manners concerning Online Dating. Though I believe in ALL dating situations (well, again, in my opinion, really, any situation), manners should be in play.

**Out of Sight…Out of Kind?**

Lately, some behavior I have been witnessing online, has had me wondering where everyone’s manners have gone. I was raised with some instilled (At least the basics…not talking Emily Post here. lol!). What I am hearing about and personally experiencing is causing me to question their existence in the Online Dating World. Is it because we are not in the other’s presence, that some people feel it is okay to omit the use of their manners? What do you think?

It is Always Nice to be Nice.

Being now actively back on BUMBLE, I am attempting to consider each profile on its own merit. Not comparing, just considering. I have been trying to be open and receptive to new ideas and working to get my Dating Mindset in “the right place”. And I must say, I have been feeling uncomfortable with some behavior patterns. There is not enough nice out there. I think we need to work on that…or at least SOME people should!

Why LIE?

Last week I was honest about some “swiping” issues I personally have, with things such as: bathroom/bedroom/overtly sexy/dirty house, etc. pictures. There were some other concerns I had, that I am trying to move past.

Like the guy I was telling you about last week, that I went on the walk with. He seemed to be genuinely a nice man. His profile however, contained both truths and myths. And most importantly…a lie by omission…he was still married. I would never have gone on that date. He should have provided me that information and let me make an honest and informed decision, beforehand.

Honest Words, Honest Pictures, Honest Gestures.

So this past week, I did “right swipe” on some guys I thought looked interesting, whose profiles left me with a feeling of wanting to learn more about them. I unfortunately cannot say that this was a successful date week. It was more of an eye-opening week.

Which brings me to what it opened my eyes to…Online Dating Manners or Lack There of. Behavior patterns such as: disappearing profiles, long waits, no responses, inappropriate behavior, inaccurate pictures (which we have elaborated on in the past), outright lies, etc. Do tell…What you have experienced?

**How About: Mutual Swipe “Write”?**

There was this guy from Wilmington. He had a nice profile. There were probably a half a dozen pics, including one with his grown daughters and he even listed his full name.

With his full name listed there, I couldn’t resist the urge to do a quick google search. I located him immediately. I did nothing in depth, just a quick glance and I felt comfortable to then “swipe right”. It wasn’t too long before I got notified of a “mutual match”.

A short while later I sent him a note saying hello. I thanked him for the mutual “swipe right” and mentioned his great picture with his lovely daughters. I never heard back. He never messaged me.

Why do we “swipe” if we are not interested? How do you feel about it? I’m not sure I know how to explain my reaction to this…it’s like it was “bad form”. Plus, when someone writes to me…I respond (with the exception of inappropriate messages). I don’t leave them hanging or ignored. Even if it isn’t necessarily what they want to hear. That…I try to do as gently and kindly as possible. But I DO respond.

It’s Like a “Bad Form” Storm.

I remember once I “swiped and matched” with this guy, and later noticed that he actually lived across the country. I guess he was somewhere locally, when I originally “swiped”, visiting perhaps. But when I realized he did not live in my area, I sent him a message about it.

I explained what happened and I actually apologized. I also told him how I enjoyed our conversations and wished him luck with his search. He told me, it was not a problem, and that there was no need for me to apologize and then said that if he were out this way again, he would like to take me out for dinner, just to meet and chat. He wished me luck also, and added, he wished he lived closer! To me, that was having Online Dating Manners. Was that so hard?

Doesn’t Everyone…Hate to Wait?

Another behavior that I don’t understand is, lengthy wait times to respond. I do not expect an immediate response. I do not even expect a response in the normal time frame of a text message. But many, many hours, or overnight, is that some form of “playing hard to get”? Or are they simply not that interested? It feels disrespectful to me. If I am in the middle of something, I will tend to what I am doing and then get back to them as soon as possible.

Am I expecting too much? What have you experienced? What do you think is an acceptable time frame for responding to a message?

Have No Fear…I Can Disappear.

I don’t understand, how, when you have been corresponding with someone, back and forth with extended messages, they can, in the middle of a conversation, go and disappear?! They and their profile…POUFF! Gone!

For a moment, you’re like…Where did they go? And then it’s…Why did they go? Is it so difficult to say that you no longer feel we are a good match or well suited or it’s been nice chatting, however…? To totally disappear during a conversation…I don’t get it. Do you? I’m thinking it is because…it’s easy.

Let’s be There. Play Fair and Care.

So that is a bit of what I experienced this week. According to some of my close friends, to them, this is not unusual behavior. They have come to expect this. What? I think…that’s just wrong! I don’t think this is acceptable behavior, at all. Again…manners. Let’s use them. Let’s be nice to one another.

Like…Lorenzo. He and I basically only shared hellos and then he and his profile disappeared. How hard would it be to take a moment to say goodbye or wish the other luck with their search?

Or…Mauri. Mauri and I had extended written conversations. He was telling me how he was looking for his forever girl, etc. Then he and his profile disappeared in the middle of our conversation. Honestly, is it that hard as adults, to be open and say something? Something. Anything. Perhaps something about not feeling we are suited for each other? Or some pleasant parting message?

Or…The SAG Actor. This gentleman had such a lovely profile that I “swiped right” on it. His reference to Agape Love…got me! And it was an “instant match”. Sweet. I messaged him and I never heard anything back. Couldn’t he have sent a short message of some sort? A wish me luck…or…I have since found someone…something?

NOTE: I do understand, that there, of course, may be exceptions to this. Perhaps you missed some horrifying image or reference on someone’s profile when you first “swiped” and later discovered it when the “match” came through. But how often would that actually be the case? And you wouldn’t have had any contact at that point. But once messaging comes into play…well…manners, simple manners might be nice.

The Closer I Get…The Further From Home.

There is one man I am communicating with right now that I am definitely interested in getting to know better. Listed…from Boston. I was intrigued by his profile and pictures. I “swiped right” on him, and minutes later, it was a “match”.

We promptly exchanged a few brief messages. They were light and entertaining and we both seemed to enjoy. However, later during one of our get to know each other better conversations, I noticed it listed he was in Ohio…Oh Nooooo!

YES. I can’t even begin to tell you all the thoughts that went through my head. I was bouncing from that show Catfish to every “scammie” experience I had previously encountered on ANY dating site.

Ahhh, I remembered…the “local” (NOT) artist (NOT) who traveled to California on business (NOT), and was sending me the most amazing and enticing messages. That turned into, him trying to get personal information and I could feel the setup for money coming. I quickly rectified that. Perhaps another time I’ll write more about this one. It was certainly a learning experience.

Back to Ohio. It seems he was here on business when I “swiped right” and now he is back home in Ohio. He is hoping to transfer to Boston at some point, but who knows when that will happen, or even “if”. Do I really want to even consider this? I ran into issues in a relationship with a man 2 hours away. Hmmmm??

We have not been chatting long, but I have enjoyed our conversations so far. To date, they have all been by the written word and through the BUMBLE app.

This morning he sent me a “right now” selfie. It was very nice. He looked like his profile, and what a great smile! I knew he wanted a return pic. I had just stepped out of the shower, had my partially wet hair clipped up on my head and not a stitch (what a weird expression, right?) of makeup on. I explained my current state and the fear of scaring him off…and asked: “Do we dare??” WE DID. I selfie’d my naked face and his reply…“Adorable!” He’s kind. For a moment I feared it would be a disappearing profile. lol!

Tonight will be our first phone call. Actually, the plan is for a video chat. I do have his telephone number (he provided it nearly immediately) and his place of employment, which he shared when explaining about the whole Boston/Ohio thing (even spotted a picture of him on their website. I had to take a look.). I will update you soon.