And he said to me: “Adrienne, I don’t think I even know, what a good relationship looks like anymore.”

That statement broke my heart. Then it made me think. Would I? Would any of us? Truly? I sincerely hope so! It would be a shame for us to “miss” it. But…Are we seeing what we think we are seeing? Or are we seeing what we “want” to see.

This old friend of mine, that spoke those words to me the other day, had called to see if I wanted to join him for lunch. It had been possibly, a couple of years since we had spent any time together.

He had been COVID tested and I had been of course, living quarantined (because that’s what I do) and we found a local restaurant that had simple, yet strict COVID practices in place…so off we went.

We ordered and ate more food than I had in months. It was delicious and I enjoyed every moment of it. We never lack for conversation. From the opening statement above, I’m fairly certain, most of you will know exactly where his conversation was headed.

Yes, it turns out, that he had had a recent break up and needed a friend with the “right kind of shoulder” to talk to and lean on. Luckily, he felt I was that kind of friend.

In His Eyes…

It seemed to him, that this last relationship had much potential. They both appeared to be hoping for the same type of things for their futures. They had mutual interests, like music and home repairs, history and learning. Plus, the things that mattered most to each of them were: Family and Faith.

They had been staying together and investing in things for their future. One of the projects he told me about, was rehabbing his upstairs rental unit in his two-family. They worked well together and finished up fairly quickly and additionally, did some rehab on the exterior of the building and even on the first floor where he has been residing for years…it really needed some “sprucing up”. They did just that!

She seemed so supportive when his father passed and stepped up where needed (including providing music) during all the necessary, but difficult events that a death of a loved one involves.

I listened intently. His stories were hopeful at first. However, I began to hear the thread of “secrecy” unraveling and revealing itself…and unfortunately, not in a good way.

There were problems with her adult children that she had been covering and apparently enabling…even getting him to rent that 2nd floor rehabbed apartment to one of them…that unfortunately…you probably guessed it already…they did not pay the rent.

Events that they had been attending or tending to…ended up exposing that there was an issue with alcohol, and her consumption of it. It sadly revealed an unfamiliar personality, that was concerning and unattractive…on so many levels. The irrational and sometimes cruel behavior would carry from the night before, into the next day.

They agreed to try to work on their problems. However, discussions between them, did not work. So they decided to move on to professional counseling. Counseling was not effective, and the attempt, only appreciated by one party. It was inevitable…They were going to part and they did.

As He Spoke and Reviewed…

He began to think, that it was his fault and that he was choosing poorly, over and over and may not actually even know what a good relationship would look like, if he saw it. I told him, that I felt certain, that he would not only recognize it, but he would “feel” it.

Our discussion reminded me, that there are no guarantees in life, with anything. We never know how much of anything, we will be allowed…including time.

I Started My Own Review In My Head…

The greatest love I have felt to date, in my life, had a sad and a bit of a heart-breaking ending. But…If I had the chance to do it all again…knowing ahead that this is how it would end…I WOULD DO IT! Over and over…without hesitation.

Being blessed with the wonder of a love like that, with someone you trust enough, to allow them to “hold” your heart and one that makes yours beat faster at the mere thought of them…that one that makes you never want to imagine a moment of your life without them…ahhh, we all should feel like that…and our hearts should beat like that. Even if it is brief…it is worth it.

Back To Our Discussion…

My friend (with perfect timing) then asked me, if I knew what I’m looking for, NOW…where love is concerned. “Do you really know what you want?”, he said. I replied: “I do.” He said: “Tell me.” I told him: “I want that someone, that “GETS” me…sees ME (and that I am really being me)…and LOVES that! And I’ll feel the same. I want for us to have some things in common and some things yet to explore together. He must love music and Believe.“

There’s more that I want (and hope for), that I didn’t share in that moment. He was sad, but I could feel “hopeful“ coming on for him, and that was good. But I could hear my own voice, and words, echoing in my head.

They Went Something Like…

“I want it all. I want to knock his socks off! I want to look at him and feel like my day’s better, with just the sight of him. I want to have more fun with him, than without, and for he to feel the same. I want my presence to bring joy and comfort for him, always. I want every kiss to linger and those passionate kisses to “curl my toes”. I’m hoping that the sight and scent of me, takes his breath away…if only for a moment. I want him to know he can trust me, with anything and everything and for us to feel that unconditional love. I have things I have yet to explore and I want to explore them with him. Yes…I still believe in fairy tales. That’s what a “taste” of one, can do to you.“

I wish for everyone to have a taste of a “Fairy Tale”. Be it for a moment or a lifetime. I wish love and laughter and limitless possibilities. I have to believe (hope) it is out there waiting to be found and loved and cherished.

BUMBLE: I am back active on Bumble, so I’m sure I’ll have some updating to do on that soon.

Let’s keep working on own Dating Mindsets…stay hopeful and positive. Be safe out there. Until next week…Thank you so much, Adrienne