Do you ever have those times when you can’t shut your brain off? It’s like it is being paid to work overtime…but NOT! You review everything that has been a concern for you and entertain every option you have been considering, for anything? Yes? I’m sorry to hear that. It’s crazy, isn’t it? But then, you can probably relate to the week that I have had. No? I’m glad to hear that. It is nice to be able to rest the mind.

COVID has me (well, most likely, pretty much everyone…) going at my life from a completely different angle. From work (or lack there of), to family, to contact with friends (or lack there of), to my music and other hobbies, to dating and life in general. I feel for everyone going through this. The…not thinking or feeling or acting, the way that we are accustomed to.

I find my reactions to some things, unfamiliar. Like Recently: “Did I just think that?” Or…“Say that?” Or…“Do that?” I’ve been feeling a bit like “Urkel” from FAMILY MATTERS. lol! “Did I Do That??” WTH???!!! Yup, it was me. “COVID Me”, apparently. I am NOT finding ME Funny! I’m usually so predictable. Well, normally, I AM so predictable, but lately, I am NOT.

I have to keep an eye on myself…like a CHILD. Good thing, being a Mom, has been my most favorite role in life! Because, it seems that I am at it again. I have added that additional child…ME! This best be a very temporary situation. lol! Where’s that vaccine anyway?

COMMUNICATION METHODS.

I mentioned previously, about telling my children when they were younger, that: “Not everything that comes into your head, needs to come out of your mouth.” I now need to remind myself of this. Take my own advice and resist the urge.

Yes, I believe that communication is a key component. It is important and valuable. But there are times when I think, we need to monitor what we are communicating.

It’s true, we can entertain all the thoughts we want. But, sometimes, some thoughts, are not meant to leave our heads. And I know this. However, lately, some of mine, some of the ones that shouldn’t have, made their way out of my head, and got “loose” via text messages. Yikes!

Remember that “app” that I mentioned needing for my friend Coco (to prevent “Drunk” texting)? Well, now I think they should have an “app” designed for “Reconsider Sending This Text” texting. For ME.

Communicating some messages clearly, can quite often be difficult. Right? Even when you are sitting there, in the presence of the other in the most ideal circumstances. Trying to state what is on your mind, in such a way, that they are sure to understand “exactly” what it is you’re intending to tell them, does not always play out as easy as we would like. But being face-to-face on a regular basis, communication skills from both directions will inevitably grow, mature and refine.

Considering communication in other fashions, as we are just attempting to ignite a relationship, can create even more difficult terrain to canvass. Trying to express yourself, via a phone call, makes it a bit harder. Relaying your message intent, without the other being able to see your body language and facial expressions, which are such great contributors…is not always easy. Thankfully, they can hear your vocal inflections, but that in itself, is not always enough. Leaving us…open to misinterpretation.

Then, an even more difficult way to relay your message, and so commonly used today, is in writing. Don’t you think? There are many options to this mode of communication, but texting seems to be the “go-to” for most everyone. The ease of texting, its convenience and availability, I understand is the appeal…but where dating is concerned, it seems to me, to distance itself from the personal touch. I’m absolutely not saying we should eliminate it, oh my, NO. I’m thinking it shouldn’t be the sole means…ease back on it and attempt to keep more of that “personal” connection.

Friends have read to me, their text messages (in some cases emails) and we have interpreted them completely different. It is amazing, how one can turn a word, or twist it. We actually made each other, open our minds to new content intent. Hmmm?? Right?

You can interpret the written word in so many different ways. Ten different people…possibility of ten different interpretations. They can vary as drastically as the weather in New England. We should probably, reconsider all that texting, and try to stick more to calling and even better, video chatting, when we can’t be face-to-face. Don’t you think?

I am finding that the whole online dating revolution is bringing these potential communication “snags” to the forefront for me. Yearning for normalcy!

UPDATES.

B1 (The Giver). That text message I sent last week to B1 (Giver) was not received fully in the light I intended. You never want to hurt someone’s feelings (at least I don’t…ever want to), so you are careful how you word a message. And now, I have another written, this time, to clarify what it was I was trying to say in the last one. I am however, hesitant to send this message, and I can’t seem to bring myself to call.

SIDE NOTE (1): Wow! While typing this, my phone rang. Generally when I am in the throes of writing, I will let those calls go to voicemail, and return them later. This time however, I looked down at my phone and saw that it was Giver. I picked up. We hadn’t spoken in days, and here I was writing about making the decision whether or not to send that next text. Decision made. DON’T. We didn’t discuss anything contained within that message…yet. But I could hear in his voice, emotions not spoken, and my reaction to his call, was emitting the same. It is evident, that IT is not over…yet.

S1. He reached out to see how I’ve been doing. I was happy to hear from him. As I’ve mentioned before, he has begun to feel like a friend. I had told him about meeting Giver and he was curious as to how we were doing. I filled him in “vaguely” and asked if he had met anyone special. He told me he had been dating one particular woman pretty frequently, but didn’t think that she would end up being “the one”.

We chatted for quite sometime, catching up. S1 ended the conversation with: “I’d like to get together with you again, even as friends.” I responded: “To be continued.” After we hung up, I was reviewing my current status and I went to “that place”…of reconsidering. Really? Hmmm? I didn’t rush to do anything about that. I told you my brain is working overtime.

J2. Do you remember J2 my music REVISIT? Well, we have been spending some music time together and though we have been social distancing, while doing this, it has been incredibly fun. He is such a great guy and a great musical talent.

I must admit that I found myself looking at him, a little differently lately. Yes, apparently REVISITING him, in my mind, for the 3rd time. lol! WTH am I doing?

This time, I was more open to the possibility, until I remembered seeing a picture on social media of he and a lovely blonde woman…and they were both smiling. So in my least obvious fashion, I inquired of the woman in the picture, and if they were still dating (there is a girl code you know!)? He hesitantly answered me, but the answer was: “Yes”. He additionally referenced her laid back style, as being so much better for him, than the last gal he was dating (from his stories, she was crazy. straight up.).

J3 (Mr. Delicious) aka Jackson. Oh ya, I almost forgot...Jackson! It was his birthday and we got together as “friends” (since that IS what we ARE) and I made him a birthday dinner. I think his dog was more excited to see me, than he was. (I did actually make some homemade doggie biscuits for him. He loves them!)

It was fun. We both enjoyed the birthday meal and dessert, and time together. We never have a problem keeping conversation flowing. We spent probably four hours together, sharing all types of stories. I always love his stories.

When it was time to leave, Jackson politely walked me to my car, quick hug and kiss (like the kind you’d give your Grandmother) and away I drove. Now, you would think that was it, right? Oh no. Not for me and my current state of brain.

My entire ride home…It wandered ALL OVER the Mr. Delicious World. From…Why did he not make a move? To…Is he not attracted to me anymore? To…How I know we could never end up in a relationship! To…Questioning how we managed to maintain our friendship all these years, with our political, religious and belief in human nature traits, being so different. OVERTIME. I told you!!!

TIDBITS.

Have I mentioned before, my thoughts on wishing there existed the possibility of getting references from previous spouses and exes? Even though ultimately we each personally have some ability to draw out the best and/or worst in a person…I suppose, but it would be most helpful information. You know, there for us to consider?

I remember telling a friend after one of our mutual friends party, about an incredibly interesting conversation I had with a friend of hers. He was charming and witty and comfortable to be around. Additionally he was a music enthusiast and bonus…attractive. She proceeded to tell me a horrible story that she had been privy to, about he and his old girlfriend. It was heartbreaking to hear, but informative.

I’m thinking this all needs to be more about romance. It really needs to be less of a business transaction and more of an emotion transaction…more heart. It certainly can be tough…but we need to stay strong, because when we are lucky enough to find it…it is so worth it! And I truly believe, we were not meant to take this journey…alone.

SIDE NOTE (2): I saw the cutest thing on the Tamron Hall Show. It was called something like: STRANGER SESSION (?). It’s a Blind Date Photo Shoot with professional photographers, with an ultimate goal of meeting your “match”. It is my understanding that you apply to be a part (app, questionnaire, COVID testing right now, etc.) of it and agree to be open to close and intimate (not intimate apparel) appearing type photos (which look like you’ve been a couple for years…from the examples they showed) with this blind date, which you have never met before the shoot. They explained that they receive many more applications from women than men. So, they pick the man first, and then try to find the best match from the women applicants for him. It has apparently been successful so far. I thought it was sweet. I would be open to doing this. Would you?

Let’s work on our Dating Mindsets, and get our minds set, in “that place”, to be open and ready to invest ourselves.

Stay Safe and Healthy out there. Thank you for stopping by. Until Next Week…Adrienne