WHEN DO YOU KNOW? Whether You Should: Move On? Continue On? Is This The ONe?

Especially, in the early stages of dating. When you are first considering. (Add in COVID, and well, that puts a whole new spin on EVERYTHING.) You don’t want to be quick to assume anything. And say goodbye to something, that might have had potential. However, you don’t want to linger, somewhere that you don’t belong.

There are times when the answer can be right there in front of you, and immediate. I think we’ve all either had or heard about some of those horrifying first dates, or encounters that quickly went “south”. The ones where you know it’s not right, pretty much coming out of the gate.

THE BRING YOU DOWNER. Ahhh yes. You have that first date lined up. You’ve been excited about it all week. It’s finally here. He/she picks you up and you’re off. It’s not long until you start wondering where that person you first met…is? They tell you about how bad their day was, how their job sucks, about an irritating situation they encountered…the list seems to go on and on. You ask yourself: Isn’t anything good about their life?

Their conversation immediately brings you down. It seems like everything coming out of their mouth is negative. How could somebody that got you so excited to set up that first date with, flip that switch so fast? This should be a warning sign. Okay, a neon sign maybe even. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period, isn’t it? Bringing our honest “A” games. If this isn’t obviously, just a bad day reaction…I would think that you don’t want to allow yourself to get sucked into that hole…the Great Negative Abyss. A Move On-er!

FLIP-SIDE, POSSIBILITY. They pick you up and all the first date pleasantries are there and you continue to be excited about the events of the upcoming evening. Over dinner you do hear about a few “negative” things they are experiencing. Now, let’s face it, life can be challenging, not everything is positive, all the time. Often, we do need to vent. Consider if it is appropriate. Is your connection, though new, strong enough that this “venting” feels appropriate? You’d need to determine the content and the presentation and if it feels comfortable for you. Do you find more pros than cons with the individual and wish to continue to learn about them? What might the future hold? Could they be a…Continue On-er or The One-er?

THE MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY. Perhaps, you are out on the town (by yourself or with friends). You spot someone, and they flash you a charming, exciting and inviting smile from across the room. You venture over, make the introductions and engage each other. Then…the conversation, too quickly, takes a turn in the wrong direction. Whether it be a discussion on politics, religion, sex, anything could be the trigger. You find that their discussion of the subject matter is presented with their opinion as the only possible opinion that could exist. Their “behavior” in this situation is “everything”. If they get aggressive or condescending about it…I think it may be time to excuse yourself. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, right?! But how far will someone go to try to convince you? Or imply that yours, is valueless. An unacceptable level?…A Move On-er!

FLIP SIDE, POSSIBILITY. The two of you engage in conversation regarding these possible volatile topics. Taking the time to consider, even though you may not agree on a particular subject, you are both open to hearing each others views on them. It doesn’t feel like a one-way street. Do you see more positives about this individual, than negatives? Are you able to be accepting of their views? Is there an attraction and an interest to learn more about them and what might the future hold? Are they…a Continue On-er or possibly The One-er?

The They’ll Never Notice I Look Nothing Like My Picture. The online date you are so looking forward to meeting for the first time. You walk in the door, catch sight, they look nothing like they represented in their picture and you just to want to turn around and leave before the first hello. The first thing “you think” you know about them…What they look like and…

They slam you, right in the face with a lie. You figure if they would lie about that…face it (face it…lol!) where the truth gets revealed quickly, they would probably lie about anything. Done, before you start. Robbing both parties of the opportunity of getting to really know one another…and the possibility of maybe this “could be the one”. A Move On-er!

FLIP-SIDE, POSSIBILITY. I have a strong opposition to this act and find it hard to even imagine a flip-side. Maybe if we are talking about a picture that is subtly different? I did once have a date with a man whose picture had to be at least 10 years old (I’m not sure that is actually “subtle”). He still looked like “himself”, but of course 10 years older. Perhaps he didn’t see the “aging” in himself. I do not put this, in the same category. I’m thinking, the only possible flip-side to this, is…the truth.

Let’s take the case of my friend Jackson (aka Delicious J3). Yes, it’s time I officially introduce him, because, well…he has some of the funniest stories, and I know I am going to want to share them. And now, with my dating mindset in “remodel” mode…you knoowww. Anyway, please, allow me to introduce: Jackson.

Jackson was telling me about the time he was corresponding with this woman on match.com that he really liked. They appeared to have many common interests and were very anxious to meet each other. Her pictures displayed a lovely, slim, brunette, with sparkle in her eyes and her smile. After approximately a month of online corresponding back and forth (I believe he said a month) they set the date to meet.

He arrived on time at the restaurant, looked around, but didn’t see her. He wondered if she had run into traffic. The thought of her not showing, never crossed his mind. They were too anxious to meet. He waited. Eventually, this short, fairly stout, red-headed woman approached him, and introduced herself…as his date! He did not recognize her, AT ALL!

He wanted to leave, but was too polite to do so, and was honestly a bit stunned. He sat and searched for something, actually anything, recognizable in her face. She looked absolutely nothing like her pictures. He was sadden that she had so misrepresented herself.

Oddly enough, during the dinner that he managed to stay through, he got acquainted with a very nice woman, whom he did in fact, have common interests with. Though there was absolutely no chance of a romantic future, for more than one reason. Yes, ultimately he was not attracted to her, but he also, would not feel like he could ever trust her. Surprisingly, they remain (very) casual friends to this day.

CAN THIS DATE SCENARIO BE TURNED ON IT’S EAR? Let’s say, she was exchanging the same conversation with another gentleman (Jackson of course can’t be the date, because, he has an infinity for a particular type of woman. I will try to remember to share “our” story on this topic sometime, as I am not that woman either.) with similar interests and with her real and current photos posted. If they are continuing to exchange messages honestly, they would want to meet. And when they meet…there would be no surprises. That very girl, in the pics, would be there to greet him and the night would continue with what I would guess to be entertaining, honest, mutually interesting conversation. What might the future hold? I would think…a Continue On-er at least, or perhaps, potentially, The One-er?!

Oh, there are so many areas to explore! I can’t wait until one day when discussions get opened up on here about them. In my day to day life, my friends, both male and female, share their thoughts, which inspire and ignite me. Their range of opinions and experiences are expansive! We can learn so much from each other.

SIDE NOTE: Please feel free to send me your “true dating stories” (with alias’ of course!) for consideration of sharing on here. I would love to read them! I am very interested in your experiences. You will find my email on my CONTACT Page.

I also, heard this story recently about these two guys that were discussing one of their, “potentials”. One was saying how he was attracted to this woman on a physical level, and he thought on other levels as well…however, he was beginning to get worried about some differences that recently became apparent.

One difference was political. He was okay with the fact that they endorsed different candidates. But when he learned that she had a life-sized cardboard cut out of hers…that worried him!

The other difference was the relationship goal. The fact that he recently learned that she wanted to get married, threw him. Now he was open to the idea of a LTR, but wasn’t entertaining marriage, pre se’. And he found out, this was her ultimate goal. She had been married before. He NEVER had.

His buddy was like…RUN. Run for your life! She’s trying to control you! Now, I didn’t get the control “thing”, out of that. I guess, I did not interpret the differences the same. I did however get a little weirded out about the whole cardboard cut out thing, and well, if they do not have the same goal for the relationship (this I have thrown out there to you before, as I am interested in hearing about the majority goals), I think perhaps, if they have in fact, discussed their views, and this is where it sits…this might definitely need to be…a Move On-er!

BUMBLE. UPDATES.

The 3rd Guy (The Freak Me Out Guy) and I have discontinued messaging. He had continued reaching out, in a very nice, less “freaky” fashion. I somehow managed to find a way to let him know, that I did not feel I was the right girl for him. He turned out to be, what seemed like, an incredibly sensitive man. He told me he was sad, but thanked me for my honesty and also wished me luck with my search.

J4 (TV Guy) and I have not really exchanged many messages. Though there have been a couple. They read as messages from “friends”. Still I should be clear that I do not feel we are a romantic match. I like him, as a person. It just never feels like the right time to tell him though.

B1 (The Giver) and I did manage to get another date on the calendar and it was fun! Our comfort level in each others company, is now such, that it made it even more fun than the previous. We continue to stay in touch daily. I am open and curious as to where this could possibly lead.

Until Next Week…

I was just throwing out the above…“new date” scenarios, for all of our consideration. My friend Fitzy has shared many, what I reference as “new date” stories. Often they do not last long and she ends up feeling a little rejected, because they didn’t work. Sometimes she seems to take that same feeling of rejection on, even when she was the one that called it quits. Forgetting what a “good catch” she is. We can be tough on ourselves. Let’s not. Let’s strive to do less of that. There is lots of joy to be found out there in the dating world…Let’s go find it.

Stay safe out there! Thank you for stopping by. Back next Thursday! Adrienne