Hmmm…HONESTY. DATING. I want “this correlation”, to be the case. However, the more I think about it, the more this statement feels like an oxymoron to me.

As I gaze out there into “Dating Land”, it appears to me as though we are being conditioned otherwise. Those dating online, are being advised to seek out professionals that are available to help design the “perfect” profile, with just the “right” photos (I’ve always thought: Post one of your best pictures, but look even better than the picture when you walk in.) and just the “right” verbiage. There are videos out there, everywhere, claiming to provide us with all the “right” things to say and do. A wide array of “instructionals”, such as: How to drive “them” crazy…Make “them” want you…Make “them” never want to leave, and the list goes on and on.

Now I need to state here, that not all of these accessible tools (“pro” profilers or instructional videos) are coming at us from a dishonest angle. Some appear to be sincerely devoted to assisting. It’s the ones that are not, that get to me. Help those that need help, to honestly work with the wonders they have been blessed with!

Maybe it’s like diets. There seems to be “millions” of them out there. And we know that not ALL of them work for EVERYONE. But definitely there are SOME that do work…for SOME people. Statistically speaking, you are bound to experience some success.

Mind you, I am, as are many of you, I’m confident, trying hard to get my dating mindset refined. However, I’ve observed some behavior recently that has really been bothering me. And it has been eating at me. (now there’s a diet for you!) Perhaps I am just paying closer attention these days. And well, that is what has brought me to this. It has even made me start questioning myself. Have I been indulging in this behavior as well?

SIDE NOTE: Are you familiar with the movie Sybil? It was released in 1976. It starred Sally Fields and Joanne Woodward. (I believe there was a remake in 2007, however, I have not seen this version.) The movie was based on a true story about a young woman who developed 17 distinct, separate personalities. I mention this movie, as recently I witnessed a “new” and “unfamiliar” personality being exhibited by someone. It was a little jaw dropping. Left me wondering if there are more.

Take for instance, even the whole “pre-first date rituals” that I was telling you about, that my friends practice. Now, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I think we should not put effort into putting our best face forward…of course I think we should. It’s respectful to them, but most importantly, it’s being respectful to ourselves. And let’s face it, it is inevitably a sales pitch.

What concerns me here, is the honesty in the pitch. To what extremes do we go? We really do have a limited window of time to (convince/inform) “hook” the buyer, per se’. So of course we want to get all of our wonderful features out there. And YES, we DO all have our own wonderful features. We need to recognize that. But can we deliver, what we are advertising? I am thinking that we should only be advertising…WHAT WE CAN DELIVER. Keeping it real. Good concept, right?! We really should not be setting ourselves up to be involved, in any fashion, in a “bait and switch” situation.

I feel as though we should absolutely not be pitching a feature/product that we don’t have or doesn’t function properly. We shouldn’t be pitching anything that we don’t believe or believe in. Sooner or later the truth comes out. Then what happens? With love…what is the return policy? Lives affected, hearts hurt and well, you know the rest.

I also think that I see similarities between the dating process and job interviews. Dating, especially online dating, has that “job ad” appeal, where we put it out there for review and consideration. If the appeal is mutual, the date (interview) goes on the calendar. (I realize I am skipping a few steps here.) There is definitely a form of pitching required.

Unfortunately, I am apparently better at the job interview. (though right now, with COVID and all, I’m not even getting the interview lined up. I digress. My apologies.) I guess that might be because I make it a rule to have already checked out the company. I want to know as much as possible, about what they do and what they stand for and know that I am interested, and most importantly, (to me anyway) know that my skills match those required to handle the job.

Every once in awhile you are even lucky enough to land that job that you love and excel at! I really enjoyed my last job. It was a new industry for me, however, my skillset was a perfect match…and it was all quick to slick! I believe my mindset for working is well refined. Now to getting my dating mindset in the same place…or even the same arena.

Is this all a performance, we or some of “we”, are taking part in? Are we strictly performing? Or presenting? I can wrap my head around presenting, a truthful and informative presentation. Is this all some form of a dating ritual we partake in…that I apparently do not know the moves to? I don’t have any go-to “moves”, and maybe that is an issue. Do you have any go-to’s?

I personally would prefer, if it were all out in the open. You know…Like the whole squirrel mating ritual, is out there for all to see. I would definitely prefer that. You know the ritual, right? The female squirrel is “ready” and the males (who can “scents” [sorry self-indulging humor there] her from over 5 football fields away) compete for her, with the most dominate squirrel prevailing. Really now, how much easier would that be? Sans the fact that they don’t stick around…well, I guess it would be on to the next squirrel then.

What can we do to bring more honesty to the act of dating? At least to our own personal dating experiences.

Well, if we are online, we could certainly start with pictures that reflect our actual image. Right? Not pics from say, 10 years ago. Not pics with filters applied to remove wrinkles and such. Not pics at “that” angle that shaves off say, 20 pounds. (if it were only that easy!)

We could include in our profile, only the things that are true. Statements that reflect the “real” us. For example: If our honest form of exercise, is walking with a friend once a week, we shouldn’t reference ourselves as an athlete. (what will they think if you have to pull your bike over and lay on lawn huffing and puffing and gasping for breath?)

I know you get where I’m coming from. Even after we’ve had that first date (+), our attitude and behavior. Something as simple as, let’s say, sports. If he/she loves football, let’s not pretend to be a devote fan, if we’re not. Maybe we will warm up to it, because just his/her presence might shine a new and inviting light to the experience of game. But let’s not go in deceitful…about anything. I think that all starts at “home” within “us”. I truly feel the results would be ultimately more positive and long lasting. It would surely allow us to “sooner feel at home” with our new partner. Don’t you think? Who enjoys being blind-sided, surprised and disappointed?

BUMBLE. BEE-LINE. ONLINE DATING. UPDATES.

There isn’t much to report from here this week. No new mutual matches on Bumble and I have not been on any new dates. I have not really been pursuing that recently.

J4 (TV Guy) and I have exchanged a couple of casual messages. They were not door openers for letting him know, I do not feel we are a match. A very nice man.

B1 (The Giver) and I have been in daily contact. (calls, texts, photos, etc.) However, his crazy full schedule, did not allow for us to actually see each other this week and the fact that we are 2 hours apart, does not encourage spontaneity. The impact of COVID, along with my honest “liking” of B1 (The Giver), fuels realities. We shall see where this goes. I must say, it does bother me, that we have not put our next date on the calendar.

The 3rd guy (The Freak Me Out Guy), had stopped messaging me, until yesterday. I was hoping he would be one of those guys that just mysteriously disappeared. (that feels awful for me to say) He actually seems to be a nice, maybe overly sensitive and unrecognizably emotional sharing individual. I need to let him know, so that he may spend his efforts on a more suitable potential match.

The only other notable would be S1 (Island Guy) who has consistently stayed in touch. I know I said this before, but he really does feel like a friend now. I enjoy his calls. I have grown fond of him.

Until Next Week.

I wish for you all, a fabulous and hopeful week. Until next Thursday. I leave you with this thought…

We first must believe…in…ourselves and what a “catch” we truly are, for the “right” person. I think that is it. Our own personal mindset first, which should in turn phase right into the refinement of our dating mindset. Again, just a thought.