Dating Radar. Does that diminish with age?

Damn. I hope that is not the case. I need all the help I can get! We can all use a little assistance in that area, right? We need that “extra vision” to help flash us warning signs! Sometimes when we are fueled by love (or in some cases, I suppose lust) our vision can be impaired. How’s your Dating Radar? Is there an app for that? lol! If there isn’t, there should be, and we should design it! NOW!

It appears that I was far wiser with my dating choices when I was younger. (Okay, not always. But definitely better than I appear to be today.) I seemed to know (well, more often anyway) who I needed to steer away from. I had a better sense of things. Even in my 40’s when my ex-husband and I separated for 2+ years, I was more proficient, than I am today. It is quite the balancing act we attempt to perform, walking that fine line of dating…staying safe and smart, honest with ourselves and yet still maintaining an open mind.

Not one single guy on BUMBLE have I experienced that really good feeling about. I mean that in terms of “relationship potential”. (Re-reading this before publishing, “snapped me out of something”. There’s been this one guy…interesting profile, handsome, snappy dresser…anyway, that I have exchanged “4” messages with. 1.) The greet. 2.) The one profile referenced question. 3.) The let’s chat later. 4.) And the let’s chat later. Yes, I did repeat that intentionally. That behavior has happened in “one form or another”, on more than one occasion…and check out the time of night posted. Radar engaged: Match now deleted.) What’s going on? Is my radar on the fritz?

Perhaps it has to do with the fact, that I was never on a dating site, when I was, say…40 or younger. I probably just need to get “re-aligned”. Yea…that’s the ticket! A Dating Radar Alignment. lol! I did mention last week, how at 62, things aren’t in the same place. Apparently, that has shifted as well!

I need to emphasize here, that strongly this change in my intuitive skills, feels to be BUMBLE related. Has anyone else experienced this? There seems to be no rhyme or reason, when it comes to my matches messaging.

It certainly might have to do with the number of gals they are probably communicating with…all at the same time. (And statistically, the gals, still far outweigh the guys.) I’m cool with that. I technically do the same thing. I do however, regularly answer, fairly promptly. I try to be focused on the individual I am communicating with. You know, inquire on what they’ve referenced, try to stimulate personally educating conversation. Though, again, that has been harder on here. And I think we trigger like behavior.

I’m not convinced that the reputation this site previously had, is not still the case (with exceptions of course!). Perhaps its a case of deciding when to drop or be dropped from “rotation” on here.

SIDE NOTE (1): I chatted briefly with this guy that called himself “Rod”. He listed that he worked for the government and also painted portraits. His profile and pictures were very diverse and created a bit of intrigue and I should mention, inclusive of at least one professional shot. He was quite handsome, actually looked a lot like Cuba Gooding Jr. After just a handful of messages he asked me about what I did for a living (Though I did not mention that I am currently laid-off, I did say that I have been in finance for decades and am currently working on new projects from home.) and then asked if we could chat on the phone. I explained my feelings on phone calls prior to meeting, and he said he understood my caution. He then however, went straight on to tell me about a feature of BUMBLE where you call through their site and your number remains private. I told him I would check it out and think about it. When we chatted later via messaging, I told him I noticed (not sure how on earth I missed this before) that they listed Virginia as his home. I asked him if that was truly the case. He said it was, but he has been spending extensive time continuing his education in Boston and how he had grown to love it up here and how ideally he would like to be entering into the next phase of his life with a new love, up here. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!!! He went on to tell me he would like to chat on the phone, as he would be heading up to Boston on Friday to tend to some business. I of course jumped on that opportunity and said if that were to be the case, how about if we meet somewhere, for a drink and possibly a bite, and that would give us a chance to get to know each other and then we could exchange numbers. Yup…picture and profile…instantly, gone!

BUMBLE STATUS.

The 3 guys I had narrowed last weeks BUMBLE matches down to, are still around, but their behavior is so different than I am accustomed to…on and off of sites. Even on match.com, guys were more attentive and predictable and inquisitive. And of course, “organic” dating to me, is, or has been the easiest, in regards to being and feeling perceptive.

Some messages are so short and generic. Others are sometimes coming completely “out of left field”. Like one I received from this fellow, let’s call him T1 (Bass Guy). (He’s 1 of the 3.) Apparently he is what they refer to, as a hired gun, bass player. I know several musicians that work under that umbrella. He does commercial work and did mention a musician we mutually have performed with, a local lead player from a national act. Anyway, back to “out of left field”…He sent me, out of the blue, a “dirty” music-related “picture” joke. Like one that might float around Facebook. I won’t go into it, but the gals legs in the picture, had panties down around the ankles. If he had been a long-time bass-playing friend…I actually might have laughed at the joke. But as I really do not know him, it just made me uncomfortable. I never responded to that message.

T1 (Bass Guy) did again reach out a couple of days later. Neither of us ever mentioned the joke. He has been writing daily and discussing us setting up a meet. Outside of that distasteful joke (and everyone is different about those types of things), he has seemed like a nice guy. A regular, nice guy, who is also a musician…If he is whom he says he is. I hate that I feel any doubt. But with this site, I don’t know, it really feels different.

I have to say, that I was surprised, but pleased, that T1 (Bass Guy) was kind enough to offer to make the 2 hour trip to me. I had suggested a meet in the middle, but he offered to take the trip and referenced, making a day of it. I hope we get along! Could be a long day. Or I could be supplying him directions to the nearest beach to check out the babes. lol!

Honest to God, I don’t know what has gotten into me. I think maybe it’s a bit of Bad “Larry” and now Bad “Rod”. Have you guys seen that show, Catfish??!!! If you haven’t seen Catfish, you should check it out, at least once. They make it entirely evident, that there are more than enough Bad “Larry”s, and worse, out there, to provide seasons of material. This is a reality-based TV series about the truths and lies of online dating. The series is based on the 2010 film: Catfish.

SIDE NOTE (2): S1 (the match.com track me down guy) has phoned me a couple of times. I can’t say that I was disappointed to hear his voice. Though I haven’t changed my mind about my decision, his voice now familiar, feels like a friend. Yes, a friend that continues to ask me out, but nonethelesss a friend. He really is an okay guy. He asked me to go out to the island with him, again. He’s determined to get me out there!

I am finding that on BUMBLE no one seems quick to divulge any details about themselves. I mean real details. Truth details. Have you found that? I found on match.com, that the matches were quicker to fill you in…on their divorces, kids, living arrangements, jobs, even joking about bad dates from the site. And most always…quick to want to meet. BUMBLE matches seem to be laid back and taking their time. (I did have the money thought here. Match.com both parties have to pay to partake. With BUMBLE, I am on there for free, but the men still pay…so that’s not it. NOTE: Apparently I am mistaken. My apologies. BUMBLE is free for both parties. However, it is my understanding now, that men frequently do take advantage and pay for the upgraded features of this app.) Maybe I’m missing something here. The whole design of BUMBLE with the woman being assigned as the “Initiator” from the beginning, perhaps the intended purpose is for that behavior to continue? I find that hard to imagine, but perhaps.

Speaking of laid back behavior, one of the other 3 fellows, let’s call him J4 (TV Guy), is as laid-back as they come. According to his profile, he’s worked in Television, behind the scenes. I believe at 72, he is now retired. We had briefly begun chatting when he told me that he had some old friends coming for the week. He did mention something about a beach house. He then went on to say, he’d reach out to me, after they leave. lol! Everything is so casual. He did end up sending me a note the day they were leaving, basically to say hello and ask about my weekend. But it all struck me so funny. Like, interest is minimal and I couldn’t possibly meet someone else during the week that might sweep me off my feet! (well, he was right, if he was thinking that…I didn’t.)

SIDE NOTE (3): I ended up going away with a couple of girlfriends of mine this past weekend. We spent it on a boat on the coast of Maine. It was gorgeous! While we were sitting out on the boat having apps and drinks, a handsome gentleman a few slips down waved over to us from his boat. My friend Beebe quickly told me he was single. I was ready for that introduction. She said, we’d take a walk over in a little bit. Whoops…too late. DARN! A couple of other guys arrived and got on board, and then a short while after that…a couple of gals! And then they took the boat out. Yes, and he waved again as he passed by us. Hours later after they returned, we were out walking about. Beebe slowed up at his boat, however it was quiet…and I hate to report this, but the windows were all steamed up! (If this boat’s a rockin’…) Lucky them! So much for that organic meet.

The 3rd guy of the 3 matches, I think is probably not going to go anywhere. Let’s call him: B1 (Big Giver) (His profile and pics imply a very generous, give back kind of guy.) (I need to mention “Wokefishing” here. Have you heard of this? I hadn’t. Apparently this is a new dating trend. Where individuals claim to be proactive in progressive causes, etc. and end up having no interest at all in the groups or causes they claim to be involved with. Often a “tell you what you might like to hear senario”.) He shoots off an occasional generic, yet polite message every couple of days. On both our parts our messages are short and we are really no closer to knowing anything “real” about each other, than we were after our first message. Maybe shared conversation about a couple of weekend activities, but really nothing to speak of. I think it is time for us to wish each other luck with our searches. It’s obvious there is limited, if any, interest. I truly hope his profile is honest, and he continues on with his philanthropic endeavors.

SIDE NOTE (4): An “almost” with J3 (Delicious Bad Boy). He asked if I wanted to get together again. I didn’t have a date lined up with S1 this time, so why not? (Okay, I KNOW why not, but still…) I wouldn’t object to a possible “makeout like a teenager session” with, my favorite kisser! I’ll cook him dinner and he can be mine. (What is wrong me?!! Sorry about that.) Simply irresistible! Anyway, unfortunately, no sooner were the plans laid (just the plans. lol!) than they had to be cancelled. Perhaps another time. Or, perhaps not. After all, I don’t reference him as a “Bad Boy” for nothing! Yes, I DO know better.

Good luck out there. Have a fabulous week. I would love to hear some of your stories! Stay safe and healthy. Until next Thursday…