TEN to ONE to NONE.

The sensation that online dating creates for me, I have to admit is a bit uncomfortable to wear. I can’t help feeling the whole “catalog shopping” experience, with each swipe. It doesn’t sit right with me yet. How do you feel about using it? The process? I’m trying to be open minded here. And mind you, this is not my first time on a dating site. I haven’t stayed on long in the past, because of this. People often talk about looking beyond appearances and looking inside. However, the first thing we are hit with, is that photo. We look at it and wait to see if there is something about it, that attracts us? If there isn’t, Then…Left. If there is, you go on to read their very limited profile. There’s never enough, contained within, to get a good look inside. Then you are back to…Left? or Right?

I understand, that this IS the age we live in. It is even my understanding, that this IS the ONLY way some people date. I hear frequently, how online is the place to be. And that comment is coming from individuals of ALL ages. But when I place my finger on that photo and swipe left…it is reminiscent of deleting from my cart or even placing “that hanger” back on the rack. It’s kind of funny, but it doesn’t bother me AT ALL, that I know my face is being “swiped left”, all over the place! However, it does bother me, each time I do it. I think I need a little MOONSTRUCK here…”Snap out of it!” It is…what it is. And it IS an option. One that I need to continue to explore. So I am.

BUMBLE. 10 Original Matches. Heard Back From 9. Narrowed Down to 1.

After just a few messages, with that “1”, we set up the first date. Let’s call him M3 (Boater Guy). Apparently, he has kept his boat local to me for nearly 20 years. Through our conversations, we learned that we also know a few of the same people. Now M3 (Boater Guy), does not live close, but does spend a lot of time here and it sounded as though we have common interests with love of the ocean, music and people. He told me he lives a healthy lifestyle and is a non-smoker and is looking for that right girl to share his life with. He is also spontaneous, which I like. I love surprises! (Good ones of course!)

One night before our planned “first date”, he sent me a message that he had just brought the boat in and he and some friends were at a local restaurant/bar grabbing cocktails and a bite to eat. He asked if I would like to join them. I thought that was great, and daring to meet me for the first time, in front of his friends. I mean, let’s face it, he really had NO idea who would be showing up. Would I look like my pictures? Would I look a decade older? Would I even be a female? Really, anything can happen. (We should share the humorous stories of surprise appearances.) But I had already made plans with my daughter, so I was unable to go. In all actuality, I might have been a little “COVID Shy” with that situation, but I loved the spontaneity.

We met on a weekday at the marina where he keeps his boat. The plan was to meet and chat for a bit there and if we both felt comfortable, we would take a ride up the coast for lunch and he would have me back in time for band rehearsal. We quickly felt comfort in each others company and knowing some of the same people, made it feel familiar. I wasn’t experiencing that “nervous feeling” about being alone out on the water with a stranger. (Hindsight: What did I really know about him? Did I know enough? Should I have put myself in that position?) Would you have gone?

It was blazing hot outside. We actually ended up deciding against going to the restaurant, as there would have been a lot of areas of “slow going” for the boat along the way. However, we did decide to get out on the water seeking a breeze.

Since there was only the two of us, I unexpectedly had to assist with the driving of the boat. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I thought for sure he could hear it. There were boats all along the river, several we were passing and we had to go under the bridge…and let me tell you, if you don’t already know this…Boats, though they do have a wheel much like a car, they do not maneuver or respond like a car. They do not react the same, at all! I was so nervous that I would hit something or turn too quickly and he would fall off (as he was walking the edge) the boat. But, he was kind and told me what a good job I did and shared experiences of others who did not fare as well.

When we finally got out to the open ocean (after stopping for gas and getting to watch him flirt with the “very very young” and I must say beautiful attendant), it was so much cooler and gorgeous! I couldn’t imagine a nicer spot. The ocean was so calm and glass-like. I’ve never seen it quite like that.

We sat and chatted. He served cheese and crackers, so we had a little bite and got to know each other better. Quite a bit better. M3 (Boater Guy), was telling me how he has changed his attitude on dating so that he doesn’t get disappointed anymore. One date at a time. The worst thing that can happen, he said, was…he meets someone new and has a new experience.

He reviewed his dating history in more depth and that revealed, other than 2 marriages, no long term relationships. He even began giving me dating site suggestions on how to set up more dates. (I had mentioned something about not going on many from the site. I guess he didn’t understand that had been by choice…my choice.)

He talked about a particular gal that had a “wild side” that he liked, but she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I was thinking already that he might have had a side wilder than myself, when the beers cracked open in the morning. That didn’t seem to line up with the healthy lifestyle he referenced. I never did have a drink.

And when he (the non-smoker) started to vape, I was on board, but no longer “on-board”. WTH. What is so difficult about the truth?

I believe it was in a cute movie called “How to be Single”, that they had a funny scene where they talked about “Spanks” (the product) and dating. Let’s think about it…telling the truth…It’s kind of like “Spanks”, too. You do know “Spanks”, right? That elastic-y product (kind of like girdles for various areas of your body, worn to help hold in the bulges) people wear to smooth out their silhouette? EVENTUALLY those “puppies” have to come off!! Then what?? Everything is out there for “your world” to see. That’s not the kind of surprise I was referencing earlier.

I don’t know about you, but I’m comfortable with myself and the fact that I am 62 and things, well, are just not in the same place as they used to be. I try to be respectful of myself and maintain a lifestyle that is not too crazy in any direction. Living for today and tomorrow.

M3 (Boater Guy), was really a good guy, for a different girl. I think he felt the same. Or he could feel what I was thinking. If at some point, he and I ran into each other here locally, we wouldn’t hide. I’m sure we’d hit up a local place and belly up…for one.

And there you have it. The Ten to One to None. Back to the Beehive.

SIDE NOTE (1): I’d been advised to keep my eyes open for scammers. Apparently, there are all types out there. People looking to steal your money or your identity, those that are married and cheating, some just looking for a “virtual” fling…I hear the list goes on and on. Anyway, there was this one guy I started “chatting” with via online written messages. He went by “Larry”. He said that his partner of many years, had passed away. He said he was new to online dating. We had barely chatted, when he asked for my number (stating he’s hardly ever on the site). I explained how I don’t give it out, unless we find after chatting here, that there is a mutual interest and we meet. He seemed okay with that. But then, the way he phrased his questions to me, and the way he used word tenses, began to raise questions for me. Something in my gut (that damn gut of mine! lol!) told me this guy was not legit. He quickly went to the…”What do you do for a living?” Feeling what I did…I purposely throw the line out with the hook baited. I answered: “I have been in finance for decades. However, due to COVID, I am presently laid-off.” And I was right! Not only did he not respond to my message, his picture and profile…disappeared, instantly.

As I believe I mentioned before, there are far less options available on BUMBLE than I expected. There were 7 new mutual matches, that I did message. I heard back from each of them. The 7 quickly dropped to 6 with the departure of Bad “Larry”. Then 3 of the remaining 6, I quickly came to realize that we did not have enough common interests. So that brings me to the 3, I am currently chatting with on the site. It’s only been a couple of days. Nothing really stirring yet. All three are men of few words. But if their profiles are truthful, they all seem interesting, available, interested in a relationship and kind individuals. I will keep you posted.

Interested in a Relationship.

Interesting statement don’t you think? Relationship. The interpretation of that term can be so varied. What type of relationship are you looking for? Casual? Good company, that you trust, with convenience. Fling? An instant gratification situation. Short term? A relationship for the moment. Sharing the present with someone special and appreciating any time that you are blessed to share. You all know what I am looking for. The long term relationship. The LTR. Looking for that special someone, for the long haul, sharing interests and goals. Not marriage, but the (hopefully) forever commitment. There are so many to consider and explore. Open? Friends with benefits? I’d be interested to delve into this and hear about what other “over 50’s” are actually thinking about.

SIDE NOTE (2): I’m not sure what made me do this, or whom I thought I would be using this with…but I guess it was one of those things I found irresistible. Perhaps the fear of not finding it later. Anyway…I saw an ad for the cutest book of dating ideas. It’s called The Adventure Challenge and I ordered the one for Couples. The premise is: There are 50 “secret” suggested date activities to “scratch off” and discover together. The book is designed to awaken the parts of us that can only come alive outside of our everyday norm. Exploring outside normal habits and diving deeper into relationships. Hopeful to create new and profound memories. Their ad was adorable…It showed a blindfolded guy cooking with his gal’s arms wrapped around him from behind, obviously guiding and instructing him through the preparation of the meal. Like I said, I found it irresistible! My Father had this famous expression he would use: “Don’t put your cart in front of your horse.” lol! That certainly applies here to me ordering this book, before having a relationship. But really, doesn’t it sound like fun? The ideas range from outdoor to indoor, from free to $60.00, from spontaneous to a 48 hour plan ahead. I am hoping it is one special guy that gets to share these unique dates with me and not 50 different guys! OMG, that would just be wrong. Right?!

Until next Thursday. Stay safe.