First Meet With S1

We had planned our first meet for the following week as a “lunch date” at a (near half-way point) restaurant that carefully caters to the needs and requirements of the current COVID situation. Through our conversations, it was evident that social distancing and masking, was of a higher priority to me, than S1. I do appreciate that he was sensitive to that. For me, it is a way of “doing my part” for everyone and taking special precautions due to some family members existing medical conditions. How have you been faring through this?

SIDE NOTE (1): Did I mention how difficult it is dating during COVID?? (I know I did. lol! jk)

Anyway…The day arrived. We touched base with each other in the morning to confirm time, location, directions, etc. We were both really looking forward to it. I truly believed we both also felt comfortable with the thought, we were not about to encounter any real surprises. Our lengthy phone conversations, text messages, pictures and selfies, were solidly confirming the very things we were originally attracted to, on our mutual dating site profiles.

I arrived at the restaurant first. The outside dining set up was spaced fairly well, but there were already many diners. The inside appeared to be quieter, cooler and set up with fewer tables, which were spaced even further apart. Inside it was!

I sent S1 a text message that I had arrived and had been seated inside. Moments later he arrived. I recognized his smiling face immediately.

However…when I stood up to greet him, I was surprised by his smaller stature. I do not mean to appear shallow, or negative here. But it’s hard to avoid sounding that way, while trying to share this with you. He told me, he was 5’8″ tall. Though mentioned, that at a recent doctor’s appointment, he learned that he had shrunk a half an inch, so he’s presently, 5’7-1/2″. I am now, after my own personal “shrinking”, currently standing at 5’4″ tall. (During our conversations, he actually asked me to confirm my height on more than one occasion. In hindsight…that seems odd now.) I was wearing flats at the restaurant, and I felt taller than him. This was not a nearly 5’8″ man standing before me. Why did he tell me otherwise? It wouldn’t have mattered to me…But now it does!

Please do not get me wrong, really, had he told me his actual height, I would still have been anxious to meet him. I had really grown to like this man, through written and spoken words. I’d been pleasantly surprised by that.

I have no preconceived notions of the “perfect man” in my mind…mentally or physically. I am very open. In reality, for me, I’m not sure about the whole idea of the perfect man or perfect woman. What about you? What DO you think about the perfect mate, and their existence? I believe I touched upon this before and my whole belief of not being perfect. You know, flawed and always a work in progress. What was happening for me, with this, was the misrepresentation. That’s what got me. And it’s still got me. Got me wondering why? I have several questions running through my head. Like…What else might he have misrepresented?

SIDE NOTE (2): I’d be interested to hear if you think you would have had this same reaction.

Putting that aside (which I chose to do in that moment, as I felt uncomfortable with any alternative that raced through my head)…It was a very pleasant lunch. Much as I had expected it would be. I did notice his body language, was not as engaged, as his personality or conversation (which never lacked for a moment). I tried to tell myself to stop overthinking. We did spend three very nice hours at the restaurant. The time flew by.

There was no first kiss at “our” first date. COVID saw to that. He didn’t even try. I was thinking that was considerate. However, I felt the avoidance of our addressing the awkwardness of our “mandated mask wearing” goodbye, thought provoking.

I must admit, that I couldn’t help but think of other first dates that I don’t believe I would have been able to resist that! I probably would have taken their temps with my lips, indulged in the kiss, and then quarantined myself for 14 days before seeing anyone else. lol! Yes, of course, I know, that would not have been smart for me, but…Hmmm? Gets you thinking though, doesn’t it?!

SIDE NOTE (3): I’d be very interested to hear how any of you are handling “new dating” during COVID.

When I got home, I did send him a text (as requested) that I had arrived safely, and I thanked him again for a lovely lunch. He responded nearly immediately, and inquired on a next get together. Asking if I’d be joining him on his next trip away? I told him…soon possibly. But, that I wanted to spend some additional time together. Still lots to learn and I wanted to make sure I felt, that kind of comfortable with him, first. (Plus, I had some “thoughts” to clear in my head) His “away” was actually on an island. I wouldn’t be able to just drive home, if I had a change of heart. Could you imagine? I’m not even a great swimmer. lol!

Then of course, there’s, “AWAY”, and what “AWAY” usually…inevitably leads to. The Next Level…The Sex Level. Now, I’m 62, and I certainly don’t owe any explanations to anyone or need anyone’s approval (but mine), but I still don’t jump into bed with anyone. Old habits die hard. That’s not to say, it might not happen one day! In this case, I wanted to be sure I was ready and wanted that for us.

SIDE NOTE (4): I would love for us to share personal feelings sometime on this topic. You know, our individual views on when is it the right time? A certain number of dates? A particular time-frame? That special feeling? Why wait at all?

SURPRISE, SURPRISE…the “SNext” Level

Well, the Next, Sex or “SNext” level, shall we say, kind of started before we even got to plan our get away. The telephone conversations, after “the meet”, started to spin in a more intimate direction. I was surprised by it a bit, but mostly I was surprised that I was feeling comfortable with the talk and his questions…at first. I thought perhaps that was a good sign. My being that relaxed and open with him. Until I wasn’t.

I won’t get really detailed here, it wasn’t my intent to go galloping down that road. But it is pertinent to this encounter. At first we sounded very much on the same page, with most whens, wheres, hows, likes, two-way streets, etc. Both of us seemed fairly open and adventurous. However, there was one scenario we were not on the same page about. When I told him I didn’t care for it…He was like: Are you sure? I replied: I am. He went on with: Well, you can’t just assume you don’t like something if you haven’t tried it! He hadn’t asked me if I tried it. It was hard for me to not find that statement to be either presumptuous or manipulative. But I still “bit”. I responded with: I have, and I don’t.

Now who’s to say, with the right partner, one might not have a change of heart. Right?! It is of course, possible. Hard for me to picture the possibility…however, I suppose anything is possible. It was the way he put that to me, coupled with the misrepresentation at “the meet”, plus other comments made. It all put me, ill at ease and in a new place with S1. In that place, I was no longer picturing future possibilities. And that is ultimately what I am looking for.

We did have additional conversations, which solidified my decision to not pursue this relationship further. I do hope S1 finds the “who”, with…what it is he needs. I wish that for all of us.

WHAT’S MY NEXT STEP?

With all that is going on in the world today, phasing in phases…businesses closed and our lives somewhat unfamiliar and days blurring together, what I would have considered to be my next step is not waiting for me right now. No progress on Revisits or Reach Outs to speak of. I would be thinking about heading out to see the people and places I have already encountered with a new mindset…being open and “all in” to potentially new results. Kind of using new eyes to see what might be right in front of me?! However, several of the places I have frequented aren’t even open. People are staying at home, even working from there (the ones lucky enough to be working). No, I think right now, I have to try something new.

ALRIGHT. HAVE YOU HEARD OF BUMBLE?

It sounds like a bit of a different approach to online dating. I knew someone that was on it years ago. I recall “peeking” at it. I didn’t know much about it and I don’t know if it has changed, but it is my understanding that women make the first move (in heterosexual matches that is) in swiping interested, and then if there is mutual interest, she has 24 hours to message the man and he in turn has 24 hours to respond. (For same-sex matches, I believe both parties have that same 24 hour window.) If you don’t start chatting within 24 hours, the match disappears…which I feel, encourages communication. Worth trying? Right? Why not?!

The app, which I have not downloaded as of yet, states to have over 100 million people signed up, and gets a 4.2 Star rating, and BONUS, it is free to download and use. Of course, there appears to be add-ons and upgrades available for a charge. No surprise there.

This is my limited understanding, at this time, of this dating site/app. If you are curious, there certainly appears to be an abundance of information to research out there. If you are already well informed on Bumble, I would be very interested to hear about your experiences.

Please enjoy your week. I will let you know how this goes.