S1 Update.

Honestly, I was thinking…“This is taking forever!!!”

S1 and I did speak later. I explained how performing, though a passion for me, is also a job for me. When I am playing out, I am there to do a job. And that job is to entertain the audience, where the ultimate goal is: Their enjoyment. I have my strict personal rule of not dating band mates and I am certainly not at a venue to pick up dates. I am there to work. The fact that I thoroughly enjoy AND get paid for that work…well, that’s a bonus! Apparently our discussion eased his mind enough that we continued on to plan our meet.

That whole discussion made me believe even more in the importance of communication. And apparently it starts earlier, than I previously believed. What about you? What do you think? Are we too quick, to just give up?

The planning of the meet wasn’t easy either. With a bit of conflicting schedules and the fact that he was headed away for a few days, was making it again, difficult. He did actually invite me to join him…however, THAT wouldn’t be possible! Imagine going away with someone and never having met them prior? I do need to say, that I thought, it was generous of mind and heart of him, to offer. That might be okay for someone else, but not me! Call me old fashioned…thank you, but NO. He was not surprised by my answer.

Were you surprised? I am old fashioned, aren’t I? Would you have gone?

Anyway, it started to go down that bad reschedule road, again. I kept thinking, it just shouldn’t be so difficult. And then he came up with a sweet suggestion of meeting where he departs from. I liked that he cared enough to put some thought into it. That thought however, would be a nearly two hour drive for me and due to a prior commitment, I would only be able to spend a couple of hours with him. Now granted–YAY! we would have finally had our first meet, but that would probably not have been the wisest choice for me. Two hours driving down, two hours there, two hours driving back and then onto my prior commitment, seemed risky to me. I did find the fact that he came up with an idea to finally create an opportunity for our first meet to happen, pleasing. And at that moment, that was enough. We were on to pick a new day for next week to meet, after his return. Almost there!!!

Has anyone else made any progress or have an interesting story to share about a REVISIT or REACH OUT?

NOW TO MY QUESTION for YOU, Out for Discussion…

First, I need to say; This question is not referring to an incident or experience with anyone I have previously mentioned here. However, it did happen to me.

QUESTION: If you planned a first date with someone and you knew immediately upon arrival, that this person was not for you…what would you do?

Would you call it off on the spot? Would you just leave and never say a word? Would you explain how you were feeling and leave? Would you go through with the date? Okay, I know, that was totally more than one question. But I really only mean the one…How would you handle it: What would you do?

This was my scenario: We had been chatting online via a dating site for just over a week. He seemed funny, bright and upbeat. His pictures were pleasant, yet a bit varied. I’ll try to explain that. In most pictures his face reflected what looked to me, to be a kind and gentle soul, and what I would describe as kind of a “softy face”. But there was one picture that captured a different look. A look of almost aggravation or annoyance. I hope you get where I am coming from. Anyway, that one picture made me question my decision to agree to meet, though, I somewhat reluctantly still went.

The Date. I could see from a distance as I was walking to the restaurant, there was a line out the door of people waiting to be seated. I knew before we spoke…the moment I caught sight of him (he hadn’t seen me yet), this wasn’t going to work. I thought: I should not be here. The feeling that came over me was like the feeling I had with that one picture. I was upset with myself for being there. I wanted to turn around, walk back to my car and go home. It didn’t feel right. But I kept walking, because I agreed to this. And could I really make the “total” call on this, based on one picture and a quick glance?

He stepped out to greet me, as I approached and we caught eyes. He appeared to be excited about our date. I didn’t have the heart to even think about telling him I wanted to leave. He was acting almost a little giddy and shaky. For a moment I thought that was actually kind of sweet. I thought perhaps, I might end up surprised by the outcome of the evening.

He proceeded to tell me that he had made a reservation for us, but was told they were sorry, there would still be a short wait for our table. We sat on a bench outside the restaurant, and talked until our table was ready.

He looked like his picture…unfortunately, that ONE picture. His demeanor was different than what I was lead to believe it would be, by the persona he had portrayed on the dating site. He was fairly chatty, (not as polished as his written words were) and thank goodness, the evening turned out to be not quite as uncomfortable as I had imagined. But it was immensely obvious to me and I figured to him as well, that we were not suited for each other. As the evening closed, though he did not accept, I offered to pay half of our dinner bill. I thanked him, we walked outside and said our goodbyes. I did send him a message when I got home, that I had arrived and thanked him again.

I believe it was a couple of days later, when he messaged me. He asked me if I thought we should plan another get together. As gently as possible, I explained that though I did enjoy meeting him and our conversation, I did not feel we were a good fit, and wished him much luck on his search for love.

THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!! He went on with a rant about women, and basically saying, how we are all the same. How we should look inward and really do some self-evaluating and on and on. His written words, to me, had volume and anger. The emotion I felt from his picture, I was feeling multiplied in his words. All I can say, that I took away from this, was…to trust my gut, and the wonder of…how I could have handled this better?